Well 2014 is over with so it’s customary to sum up the year in some form of list. I’ve decided to do articles listing my best and worst films of 2014. There are a couple of little caveats before we continue here.

1. These lists are only based on films I saw at the cinema in 2014 which means I will probably miss some films that were universally hated. I avoid a lot of films that I don’t like the look of so that will be why they don’t make the list
2. The list here might not reflect the original rating I gave them. As I’ve mentioned on other articles, my ratings reflect the level of enjoyment at the time of writing so the score could change over time. There shouldn’t be too much fluctuation but it will exist.

Without further ado, here’s the list

10. The Purge: Anarchy

Dumb, poorly paced and boring are about the only memories I have of this snooze fest. The premise is about as ridiculous as it gets and would work well as a dark comedy but instead the film is played straight. A good performance from Frank Grillo isn’t enough to salvage this mess. It can’t even be said that the action scenes are entertaining so best to skip this. My original rating was 2/10 and my full review is here.

9. A Million Ways to Die in the West

An overlong, unfunny mess with almost no redeeming features. Seth MacFarlane’s follow up to Ted is the worst thing he’s ever done. A talented cast are completely wasted here by playing characters that don’t even qualify as one dimensional and the few genuinely funny jokes do nothing to stand out among the saturation of terrible attempts. Originally I rated this film 2/10 and my full review is here.

8. Under the Skin

I can’t really say that this film is bad but I really didn’t like it. There was some early promise in the fly on the wall style used when Scarlett Johansson’s mysterious alien character is traveling around Glasgow picking up unsuspecting Glaswegians for whatever purpose. This quickly evaporates when endless scenes of dialogue free posturing kick in making the last half of the film insufferably boring to sit through. For me there’s a difference between arty and dull but maybe I just didn’t get it. Either way I can’t recommend this. This film came out before my website launched so there is no prior review but I would probably have given it a 2/10.

7. Say When/Laggies

Keira Knightley’s latest attempt to wrap her gums around an American accent as a directionless 20 something fails to impress on almost any level. The annoying characters and a completely misguided narrative with no real point or structure only scratch the surface of how terrible this is. An overwhelming number of subplots exist only to fill time and bore the audience to tears in the process. A charismatic performance from Sam Rockwell forced me to allow the film 1/10 but nothing worth sitting through here. My original review can be found here.

6. Divergent

Not the worst Young Adult adaptation I’ve ever seen but certainly the worst in 2014. It could be a case of weak source material but this film turned out to be a confusing mess with absolutely no logic behind anything that happens. Terrible pacing and even worse writing turns this into a real embarrassment for lead actress Shailene Woodley who can safely say that this material is completely beneath her. Woodley’s performance is the only thing worth seeing here but she can be seen in better things so give this a miss. This also predates my website but it was reviewed by me here. It was given 1 star there which probably equates to a generous 2/10.

5. That Awkward Moment

Zac Efron leads a cast of unlikeable douchebags who decide that casual flings are better than real relationships. Along the way they manage to establish themselves as some of the most unlikeable characters around with everything they do only reinforcing how horrible they all are. Couple that with a boring story that is genuinely a chore to sit through and you get one of the worst films of the year. Nothing begins to even redeem this sad mess and I still don’t know what “That Awkward Moment” even means in the context of this film. This film predates the birth of my website but I imagine it might have got a 0/10.

 4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Another franchise reboot that manages to miss the mark almost completely. This reboot manages to be unappealing to fans of the renaissance painter named turtles both young and old while casually insulting their intelligence all the way through. Megan Fox gives her worst performance so far and is completely unable to sell the idea of a journalist trying to be taken seriously. The writing she’s given to work with isn’t any better with a terrible story and even worse characterisation. The 4 turtles come across as bland at best and creepy at worst. I can’t figure out why anyone would think having the turtles as hideously hulking monstrous CGI brutes was a good idea. The film gets 2/10 for some reasonably cool action sequences that involve some impressive teamwork but you could find those on youtube if you so wished. My original review is here.

3. Lucy

A really stupid film pretending to be a smart one. The whole premise rests on the age old fallacy of humans only using 10% of their brains. The fact that screenwriters are still quoting this as if it’s fact is bad enough but it only gets worse when the film tries to pass itself off as being something profoundly philosophical. Instead of an explanation of how things work in this movie the audience is simply told that they won’t understand. A clear hallmark of lazy writing and a lack of respect for the intelligence of the viewer. If it had been an excuse for a silly action film then it might have been somewhat forgivable but the action sequences are sloppily executed with admittedly decent visual spectacle appearing in some pretentious scenes trying to explore the nature of existence. I gave this 1/10 because Scarlett Johansson does the best she can with what she’s given. My original review can be found here.

2. This is Where I Leave You

The only 0/1o that I reviewed on this website. An overlong and boring film that doesn’t ever manage to appear on the same continent as anything resembling funny. Far too many subplots clumsily feed into an uninteresting story full of unlikeable characters who bring family dysfunction to implausible extremes. This film made me decide to never watch Jason Bateman in a film again due to him constantly playing the emotionally distant and put upon character often taken advantage of. I just can’t do it any more. Do yourself a favour and leave this film. I fully reviewed it here.

1. RoboCop

A textbook example on how to screw up a reboot to a beloved franchise. This adaptation drops the dark comedy and satire of the Paul Verhoeven original in favour of a clumsy commentary on the role of advertising in society coupled with the impact of drone warfare. None of it works here and Joel Kinnamon’s casting as Alex Murphy is a terrible choice. Nothing about his performance works and there seemed to be far too much insistence on making sure we saw his face. The tragedy of Alex Murphy’s brutal murder and loss of identity is completely gone to be replaced with a horrific emotional family narrative that never manages to be at all engaging. Not even the action scenes are entertaining in this mess. I don’t think that RoboCop is sacred and immune to getting a decent reboot but they could do a lot better than this. More modern ideas could be used as fodder for satire and it could be as relevant as the first one was -and arguably still is- instead of this insulting mess. I didn’t review this due to it predating my website’s birth but this would unquestionably be a 0/10.

 

Do you agree with my list? Please do supply your own in the comments section or find me on Facebook or Twitter to let me know your thoughts.